Dr. Dinesh Mittal
Child Behaviour Problems: Tantrums, Thumb Sucking, Stammering and More
Child Specialist and Pediatrician | Sector 3 Rohini, Delhi
Almost every parent meets a behaviour problem in the early years. Tantrums, thumb sucking, a stammer, wet beds, nail biting, biting other children, bedtime battles, fussy eating and teeth grinding are all common. Most of them are part of normal growth and settle with time, patience and a steady routine. This guide covers fourteen of the most common concerns, with what is normal, why it happens, what helps, what to avoid, and when to see a doctor.
- 1. Temper tantrums
- 2. Thumb sucking
- 3. Stammering (stuttering)
- 4. Bedwetting
- 5. Nail biting
- 6. Biting and hitting
- 7. Bedtime and sleep battles
- 8. Picky eating
- 9. Separation anxiety at school drop-off
- 10. Sibling rivalry and jealousy
- 11. Lying
- 12. Shyness
- 13. Tantrums when screens are switched off
- 14. Teeth grinding (bruxism)
1. Temper tantrums
A tantrum is a sudden outburst of crying, shouting, kicking, lying on the floor or throwing things. Tantrums are most common between 1 and 4 years, and often peak around 2 to 3 years. At this age children feel big emotions but do not yet have the words or self-control to manage them.
Why it happens
- They want something they cannot have, or want to do something on their own.
- They are tired, hungry, bored or overstimulated, for example after a long day at a crowded market or wedding.
- They have not yet learned words for “angry”, “scared” or “I want that”.
What helps
- Stay calm. Your calm voice helps your child settle. Keep your words few and your tone low.
- Name the feeling: “You are very angry because the tablet is finished. It is okay to be angry.”
- Keep the limit, but offer a choice: “Do you want to wear the red socks or the blue ones?”
- Prevent where you can: keep to regular meal and sleep times, and carry a snack when you go out.
- Keep them safe. If your child is hitting or kicking, move them to a safe place or hold them gently until they calm down.
- Stay close, even if you do not give in. Once the storm has passed, give a hug and talk about what happened in simple words.
What not to do
- Do not give in to the demand just to stop the crying. This teaches that tantrums work.
- Do not shout, smack or threaten. This frightens the child and does not teach them what to do instead.
- Do not reward them with sweets or screen time to stop a tantrum. Praise them afterwards for calm behaviour.
See a doctor if
- Tantrums are very frequent, last a long time, or continue beyond about 5 years.
- Your child hurts themselves, holds their breath until they faint, or is very hard to calm.
- There are also delays in speech, toilet training or social play.
2. Thumb sucking
Sucking the thumb or fingers is a normal comfort habit, and many babies do it even before birth. It helps children calm themselves when they are tired, bored or anxious. Most children stop on their own by 2 to 4 years.
Is it harmful?
At younger ages, thumb sucking does no harm. If the habit continues into school age, it can affect the position of the front teeth and the roof of the mouth, and it can change how the jaw grows. Dentists usually start to worry after about 4 to 5 years.
What helps
- Look for triggers. Does your child suck when tired, at bedtime, in new places or when watching TV? Solve the trigger first.
- Offer a comfort object such as a soft toy or a small blanket, which can replace the thumb at bedtime.
- Praise the times they do not suck. A simple sticker chart, for effort rather than perfection, works well for children over 3.
- Keep hands busy with drawing, play dough or a fidget toy during quiet times.
- Talk about it calmly. “Your thumb is for holding your toys. Your bed buddy can help you sleep.”
What not to do
- Do not scold, shame or make fun of the habit. This usually increases stress and the habit.
- Do not pull the thumb out roughly. Gentle reminders are kinder.
See a dentist or doctor if
- The habit continues after about 4 to 5 years, or the child sucks hard and often.
- The skin on the thumb is cracked or infected, or the front teeth are moving.
3. Stammering (stuttering)
Stammering is a break in the normal flow of speech. The child may repeat sounds (“b-b-ball”), stretch a sound (“sssssun”), or get stuck before a word. Many children have a short period of this between about 2 and 5 years, when their speech and language are growing very fast. This is called developmental stammering, and most children who are given the right support recover fully.
Why it happens
- Speech is developing faster than the child’s ability to control it.
- It is more common in boys, and family history of stammering increases the chance.
- Stress, tiredness or excitement can make it more noticeable, but it is not caused by fear or bad parenting.
What helps
- Slow down yourself. Children copy the speech they hear. Speak a little slower, with short, relaxed sentences.
- Listen with patience. Make eye contact, wait for your child to finish, and respond to what they say, not how they say it.
- Reduce pressure. Set aside relaxed times for talking, such as during meals or a bedtime story, with no quizzing.
- Keep reading and singing together. Rhymes and songs are often smooth for children who stammer.
What not to do
- Do not say “slow down”, “think first” or “say it again”. These make children more self-conscious.
- Do not finish the child’s sentences or speak for them.
- Do not punish, tease or correct them constantly.
Consult a speech and language therapist if
- The stammer lasts more than about 6 months, or is getting worse.
- Your child is aware of it, upset by it, or avoids talking.
- Your child shows tension in the face, neck or body while speaking.
- It starts after 5 years of age, or there is a family history of long-term stammering.
4. Bedwetting
Wetting the bed at night (nocturnal enuresis) is common. Many children are not yet dry at night until 5 or 6 years of age, and some until later. It is usually caused by a deeper sleep, a small bladder capacity for their age, or a hormone that controls night-time urine that has not matured yet. It is not caused by laziness or naughtiness, and it often runs in families.
What helps
- Keep it calm and private. Change the sheet quietly and reassure the child that it happens to many children.
- Manage fluids and timing. Give most drinks during the day. Limit drinks for about 1 to 2 hours before bed, and avoid tea, coffee and cola in the evening.
- Toilet before sleep and when they wake at night if they are used to it.
- Treat constipation. A full bowel can press on the bladder. Plenty of water, fibre-rich food and regular toilet habits help.
- Celebrate dry nights with praise or a sticker, not with a treat that depends on being dry every time.
What not to do
- Do not punish, shame or scold the child. It makes the problem worse and can cause anxiety.
- Do not wake the child fully in the night to take them to the toilet, as this can disturb sleep.
- Do not restrict drinks for the whole day. Children need fluids and this can cause constipation.
See a doctor if
- Your child is still wetting the bed after about 7 years of age.
- They were dry for 6 months or more and have started wetting again.
- There is daytime wetting, pain or burning on passing urine, straining, or constant constipation.
5. Nail biting
Nail biting usually starts around 4 to 6 years and is often linked to boredom, tension or a need to self-soothe. Many children grow out of it, but for some it lasts into the teenage years.
What helps
- Keep nails short and neat, so there is less to bite. Involve the child in cutting or filing them.
- Find the trigger. Is it school, homework, watching TV or a new situation? Talk about what worries them.
- Give other busy hands a job: squeezy toys, drawing, play dough, or a small worry stone.
- Praise the good days. Use a simple chart and keep rewards small and immediate.
- Be a role model. If parents bite their nails, children copy it.
What not to do
- Do not shout at the child or tease them about their hands in front of others.
- Do not ignore bleeding, pain or redness around the nails.
See a doctor if
- The nails or skin around them are repeatedly infected, bleeding or swollen.
- The habit is very intense, or comes with other signs of worry such as sleep problems, stomach aches or school refusal.
6. Biting and hitting
Biting, pushing and hitting are common between 1 and 3 years. Toddlers have strong feelings but few words, and they often bite when they are frustrated, excited, scared or over-tired. Biting is usually a phase, not a sign of an aggressive child.
What helps
- Respond calmly and briefly. Say, “Biting hurts. I will not let you bite.” Then move the child away from the group.
- Attend to the child who was bitten first so the child learns that biting does not get attention for them.
- Teach a better way. “Use words: ‘Mine!’ or ‘Stop!’” Also show them how to ask for a toy.
- Watch for patterns. Many bites happen before lunch, when tired, or in a crowded group. Plan for those times.
- Praise gentle play with specific words: “You waited for your turn. Well done.”
- Work with the childcare teacher, so the same message is given at home and at school.
What not to do
- Do not bite or hit the child back, even as a lesson. Children learn that hurting others is acceptable.
- Do not label your child as “a biter” or “naughty”.
7. Bedtime and sleep battles
Many children resist bedtime, get up again and again, or wake at night. A calm, predictable routine is the most effective help. Children need a certain amount of sleep, and when they do not get it they are more likely to be irritable, have tantrums and find it hard to concentrate.
How much sleep do children need?
| Age | Usually needs in 24 hours |
|---|---|
| 1 to 2 years | 11 to 14 hours, including naps |
| 3 to 5 years | 10 to 13 hours, including naps |
| 6 to 12 years | 9 to 12 hours |
| 13 to 18 years | 8 to 10 hours |
What helps
- Keep a routine of 20 to 30 minutes, the same each night: bath, pyjamas, brushing teeth, one short story, lights off.
- Keep bedtime and wake-up time regular, including weekends, within about an hour.
- Dim the lights and turn off screens at least one hour before bed. Bright screens and exciting games delay sleep.
- Avoid tea, coffee and cola in the evening, and keep the bedroom quiet, dark and comfortable.
- Stay calm and consistent when they get out of bed. Return them to bed with few words and no games, every time.
What not to do
- Do not use screens or sweets as bribes for bedtime, or let the child fall asleep in front of the TV.
- Do not change the routine every night or keep the child up late on weekends.
See a doctor if
- They wake often with fear, sweat or confusion, or are very sleepy during the day.
- They are unable to fall asleep for more than about an hour most nights, despite a good routine.
8. Picky eating
Children often refuse food between 2 and 6 years of age. They may want the same food every day, reject new foods, or eat very small amounts. This is a normal part of growing up, and it is usually more worrying to parents than to the child’s health. Most children accept a new food after being offered it 10 to 15 times without pressure.
What helps
- Offer small portions and let the child ask for more.
- Eat together as a family, and let the child see you enjoy a variety of foods.
- Keep offering new foods alongside familiar ones, without pressure to eat them.
- Let them help: wash vegetables, choose a vegetable at the market, or serve their own roti or dal.
- Keep meal times short, about 20 to 30 minutes. Then clear the plate calmly, with no fuss or extra snacks.
- Keep the family’s food routine steady. Sit down for meals at about the same times each day.
What not to do
- Do not force, bribe or threaten. Pressure to eat often makes children refuse food more.
- Do not use sweets or dessert as a reward for finishing a meal.
- Do not give frequent snacks or milk in the hour before meals, because it reduces hunger at mealtime.
See a doctor if
- Your child is losing weight, not gaining height or weight as expected, or looks unwell.
- They refuse whole food groups, eat only a few foods, or gag, choke or vomit with food.
- Eating problems came after an illness or are causing distress at meals.
9. Separation anxiety at school drop-off
Crying, clinging or begging not to be left at school or the creche is very common, especially between about 8 months and 3 years, and again when a child first starts school. It shows that your child loves you and is still learning that you always come back.
What helps
- Keep a short, same goodbye routine, such as a hug, a kiss on the hand and a special wave. Keep it brief and cheerful.
- Do not sneak away. Leaving quietly may calm the child in the short term, but it increases fear when they realise you are gone.
- Say when you will come back in terms they understand, such as “after lunch, when the bell rings”, and then keep your promise.
- Let a comfort object go with them, such as a small toy or a photo of the family in their bag.
- Talk to the teacher in advance. Ask them to take the child’s hand, distract them and tell you how the child settled.
- Praise the good moments in the afternoon, and talk about what they enjoyed at school.
What not to do
- Do not threaten, shame or bribe the child to stop crying.
- Do not stay for a long time or come back again and again. Keep the goodbye short and confident.
See a doctor if
- Your child refuses school for weeks, has frequent stomach aches or headaches on school days, or panics strongly each morning.
- The distress is still very strong after several months of a steady routine.
10. Sibling rivalry and jealousy
Fighting between brothers and sisters, and jealousy of a new baby, are normal. Children compete for attention, and they often want to be treated as “the special one”. Some rivalry is part of growing up together.
What helps
- Spend one-to-one time with each child, even 10 minutes of undivided attention each day, so no child feels left out.
- Be fair, not equal. Each child has different needs. Explain this simply: “You are older, so you can stay up a little later.”
- Do not compare them with words like “why can’t you be like your brother?”
- Name the feeling: “You feel upset because your sister got the new book. That is okay.”
- Let them solve small problems with simple steps, such as taking turns, and step in only when there is risk of hurt.
- When a new baby arrives, give the older child a special job, such as fetching the nappy, and some time alone with you each day.
What not to do
- Do not always take the side of one child, or blame the older child for everything.
- Do not use the younger child as a reason to refuse the older child’s requests.
See a doctor or counsellor if
- One child is often hurt physically, or the conflict is constant and damaging.
- A child becomes withdrawn, sad or shows a sudden change in behaviour after a new baby or family change.
11. Lying
Children tell stories for different reasons. Between 3 and 5 years, many children mix fantasy and fact because their imagination is growing, and they do not yet fully separate what is true. From about 6 years, children may lie to avoid punishment or to protect their feelings.
What helps
- Stay calm. A calm reply makes it easier for the child to tell the truth next time.
- Do not set a trap. Avoid questions such as “Did you break it?” when you already know. Say, “The vase is broken. What happened?”
- Praise honesty, especially when the truth is difficult. “Thank you for telling me. I am proud that you told the truth.”
- Make consequences small and clear, and focus on fixing the problem, such as helping to clean up.
- Look for the reason. Is the child afraid of you, of a teacher, or of failing? Reduce that pressure.
- Model honesty yourself, including admitting your own mistakes.
What not to do
- Do not shame or label the child as a “liar”.
- Do not punish very harshly for a small lie. This usually teaches them to hide things better.
See a doctor or counsellor if
- Lying is frequent after 7 or 8 years, and is linked to stealing, cruelty to animals or other children, or repeated trouble at school.
- The child seems unhappy, fearful or unsure of what is real.
12. Shyness
Some children are naturally cautious with new people and places. Shyness is a temperament, not a flaw. It is common and usually eases with time and gentle support. Shy children often become confident adults when they feel safe.
What helps
- Give time. Let the child watch a new situation before joining in. Do not push them into the middle of a group.
- Prepare them in advance. Tell them who will be at a party, what will happen and how long it will last.
- Build small steps: first say hello, then play next to another child, then join in.
- Praise the brave attempt, not the outcome. “You said hello to her. That was brave.”
- Be a model. Greet people warmly and let the child see you talk to others.
- Find strengths in activities they enjoy, such as drawing, music or building blocks, where they can make friends with less pressure.
What not to do
- Do not call the child “shy” in front of others, or make them perform to prove a point.
- Do not force hugs or kisses. Let the child decide, and explain that others can respect that.
See a doctor or counsellor if
- The child is unable to speak in certain places, such as school, even though they speak freely at home for several months.
- Shyness is causing fear, panic, refusal to go to school, or withdrawal from family and friends.
13. Tantrums when screens are switched off
Many parents see a sudden meltdown when the tablet, TV or phone is turned off. The screen is very exciting, and stopping it feels like a loss. Clear rules and a predictable routine make these moments much easier. For time limits, see our guide on reducing screen time.
What helps
- Warn before the end. “Five more minutes, then we will stop.” Use a timer or a visual clock so the child can see it.
- Finish with a small ritual, such as saying goodbye to the character, or choosing one last thing to watch.
- Plan something to do next, such as drawing, bath time or a snack, so the child moves on to something else.
- Keep the rules the same every day, so the child knows what to expect.
- Do not use screens to calm a tantrum. It teaches that screens are the only comfort, and the cycle repeats.
- Stay calm and name the feeling. “You are upset because the game is over. Let us take a deep breath.”
What not to do
- Do not give in to the tantrum and allow more screen time.
- Do not switch off a device suddenly in the middle of a game, if you can give a warning.
14. Teeth grinding (bruxism)
Teeth grinding or clenching, called bruxism, is common in children. Many children grind their teeth at night, sometimes with a grinding sound that parents hear from the next room. It often starts when the baby teeth come in, and most children grow out of it without any treatment. Some children grind during the day when they are concentrating or stressed.
Why it happens
- It can be linked to stress, anxiety, excitement or a busy day.
- It can occur with a bite that does not fit well, or when the adult teeth are coming in.
What helps
- Keep the routine calm, with a relaxing bedtime and less screen time before sleep.
- Look for stress. Talk gently about school, friends and worries, and help the child name them.
- Reduce hard, chewy foods close to bedtime, such as very tough chapati or hard sweets.
- Keep a dental check-up at least once a year, so the dentist can check teeth wear, bite and jaw movement.
What not to do
- Do not scold or punish the child for grinding. They cannot control it while asleep.
- Do not try to stop it with home remedies that are not checked by a dentist or doctor.
See a dentist or doctor if
- The teeth look flat, chipped or worn, or the child has tooth pain or sensitivity.
- The child complains of jaw pain, ear ache, headaches or tiredness in the morning.
- The grinding is loud and frequent, or the child complains of jaw or tooth pain.
When to get help
Most behaviour concerns are part of growing up. But if your child’s behaviour is harming their safety, their sleep or learning, or their relationships, or if you feel stuck, please book a visit. Bring a short note of when the problem happens, how often, what you tried and what happened. This helps the doctor understand the pattern and plan the right support.
Frequently asked questions
At what age should I worry about tantrums?
Tantrums are normal from about 1 to 4 years. Speak to a doctor if they are very frequent or continue after about 5 years, or if the child hurts themselves or others.
Is thumb sucking harmful for my child?
Not in the early years. It may affect teeth and the roof of the mouth if it continues after about 4 to 5 years, so ask a dentist for advice at that stage.
My child still wets the bed at 6. Is this normal?
Yes, it is common up to about 7 years. If it continues beyond that, or wetting starts again after a dry period, see a doctor.
Medical disclaimer: This article is for education only and does not replace an examination by a doctor. Please do not give any medicine without your doctor’s advice.
चिकित्सा सूचना: यह लेख केवल जानकारी के लिए है और डॉक्टर की जाँच का विकल्प नहीं है। बिना डॉक्टर की सलाह के कोई दवा न दें।